i have spent this summer trying to find myself under the weight of other boys

on top of unfamiliar sheets where i never slept for very long

see, i used to love too fiercely or not at all

and now there is a padlock on my heart from loving someone too much

and i swallowed the key along with my last drink


sometimes i think i have a sixth sense for finding people who will hurt me

and clinging onto them until i am pried off, kicking and screaming like a child

all they remember are the claw marks i leave behind

and the ones i left on my own skin

they always want to touch them like braille


he and i went from holding hands to tightening our knuckles into fists

we were both ready to throw punches, and oh god, did we ever

i could not possibly imagine the impact before it hit

a year and a half after the bruise was made and i can still feel the sting


but i am done sharpening the knives that he puts in my back

i have spent too many nights crying when i should have been laughing

i am tired of having this bitter taste on my tongue

but this is not forgiveness

this is not an apology

this is just a poem

just a poem, l.c. (via healinghurricane)

fhaul:

repeat after me: i am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014